I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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