I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
