There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
