so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
