Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
