i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
