I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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