Where did you get a picture of my penis
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
