It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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