There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize