He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
did i just pee glitter
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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