You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
