a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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