the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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