After last night, I could never be a politician.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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