She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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