Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
