3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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