well I can't set my house on fire every night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
