and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
