I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
