Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Less talking, more tequila
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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