Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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