Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
