It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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