So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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