Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I FOUND THE LEGS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
