the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am one with the molecules
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
