If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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