just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
