Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
