I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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