96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
