Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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