I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We named our party play list daddy issues
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She has the best kind of daddy issues
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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