the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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