i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
