and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
