i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
as a side note pls kill me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
