No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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