If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize