I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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