He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Barsexuality is the new black.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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