well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize