five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
