that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
