worst night to have a conscience
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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