Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
