I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize