I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
