Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
