FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize