if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
