I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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