I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
