Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
