I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We had to coat check the pizza.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
