I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
