I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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