Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
