It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
