Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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