we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize