How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
