Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
