I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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