he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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