Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize