The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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