He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
