Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
